Wonderings and Certainties.

I'm often filled with infinite wonderings about life around me-- if this life is a question mark, he is a bold period to the toughest of questions. 

With certainty,

J.

My Moral Compass & Bridal Party

It is the lessons of change that have disciplined and tempered me beyond the narrow scope through which I used to view my life. There are four incredible women who have seen me through these various life changes and have stuck by my side without fail...

***

Without the four of you, the love story that is my life would not exist. More often than sometimes I wish I had a mountaintop to yell "thank you" from. Thank you for being my handle during the times I needed to get a grip. You are all so uniquely different. Together you are my North, South, East and West-- the moral compass to my inner indecisiveness that at times is as wide and wavering as the ocean. I love you all and I am truly blessed that you have agreed to stand beside me and support me in the biggest decision of my life. My compass has and always will point directly to R. 

Mandy: 

No one knows me like you do. You are my sweet SOUTH.
Thank you for not only loving the side of me that often gets lost in the clouds
but for always joining me there. Grab a little sky ;)

Brit M: 

You've kept me focused and grounded for the past 7 years. 

 You are my voice of reason, my anchor, my due NORTH. 

No amount of distance could or will ever break us.

I love you always. 

My dearest sister:

Watching you learn and grow the past 22 years has been one of

the greatest joys of my life. You are my EAST. Your development continually

teaches and inspires me. You are the definition of true, raw, unfiltered beauty -

you grow more beautiful each day. I love growing with you.

Autumn: 

You are my wild wild WEST...

Young and free and always reminding me not to take life too seriously.

You've taught me more in the past 3 years than you'll ever know. 

If you're a bird, I'm a bird <3.

For my bridal party & moral compass, with love,

J. 

Lean into it.

This morning I stumbled across a quote that not only woke me from my usual Saturday morning cozy little fog but awoke a stubborn little corner of my being that's been reluctant to wake, move or flourish for the past few weeks. This is the corner of me that deals with the joys of family...tilts- as Ryan calls them - times when the ground seems to shift and relationships experience a sort of tilting, tipping, or upside down "joy ride" if you will.

In reading this blurb (below), and in conjunction with a conversation I had with my amazingly wise little sister yesterday afternoon, certain corners of me are newly awake and I'm consciously choosing to lean into a few of lifes little tilts.

"In life, we think that the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem. The real truth is that things don't really get solved. They come together for a time, then they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It's just like that.

Personal discovery and growth come from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.

Suffering comes from wishing things were different. Misery is self inflicted, when we are expecting the "ideal" to overcome the "actual", or needing things (or people, or places) to be different for us so we can then be happy.

Let the hard things in life break you. Let them effect you. Let them change you. Let these hard moments inform you. Let this pain be your teacher. The experiences of your life are trying to tell you something about yourself. Don't cop out on that. Don't run away and hide under your covers. Lean into it.

What is the lesson in this wind? What is this storm trying to tell you? What will you learn if you face it with courage? With full honesty and - lean into it?"

- Pema Chodron

This morning I am thankful for my family, for those who provoke me, despite what their intentions may be. I am finding value in the winds that you send in my direction, learning about my weaknesses and leaning into them in hopes of strengthening myself.

Happy truth filled Saturday friends - from Canada all the way to Russia, Germany, the UK, Australia, Poland, South Korea, the Netherlands, Philippines, and more. I'm truly amazed that this blog and my words have somehow spanned over 15 countries this past year. I'm entirely humbled by your visits - however brief they may be. This morning my hope for you all is that you find the courage to lean into the winds that you are faced with -whether they come from the North, South, East, or West.

Leaning, with love,

J.

P.S. I love you bear. This one's for you. 
I miss you always.
7 weeks!

xo.

Alberta Roses in Full Bloom

Today I'm stopping to appreciate the beauty of wild Alberta roses- a perfect representation of the amazing people within our great province. To the city workers, volunteers, positive thinkers- near and far - you are the Alberta Wild Rose! What an incredible sight to see our province, especially Calgary, in full bloom after such a storm.

In the twenty-some years that I've lived in Calgary, I've never seen such turmoil. But my mood today is fanatically positive and militantly optimistic. I'm hopeful and confident in our ability to go back to our roots and grow together as a community- stronger and more beautiful than ever before. 

With true Albertan love & pride!

J.

Alberta Strong

June 20th 2013. A date Albertans will not soon forget. It will be forever remembered by Calgarian's as the day we awoke to find our city in a frenzy, lying beneath an outstretched river.

It’s rare for me to sit in front of a blank white computer screen and lose the battle of the unfailing flashing cursor. But today I am speechless. The battle has been lost. In these moments I trust only 2 things to adequately explain exactly how I feel: borrowed words from my favourite writer, and photographs of memories frozen in time. 

"There will be bad days. Be calm. Loosen your grip, opening each palm slowly. Now let go. Be confident. Know that now is only a moment, and that if today is as bad as it gets, understand that by tomorrow, today will have ended.Be gracious. Accept each extended hand offered, to pull you back from the somewhere you cannot escape. Be diligent. Scrape the gray sky clean. Realize every dark cloud is a smoke screen meant to blind us from the truth, and the truth is whether we see them or not - the sun and moon are still there and always there is light. Be forthright. Despite your instinct to say “it’s alright, I’m okay” - be honest. Say how you feel without fear or guilt, without remorse or complexity. Be lucid in your explanation, be sterling in your oppose. If you think for one second no one knows what you’ve been going through; be accepting of the fact that you are wrong, that the long drawn and heavy breaths of despair have at times been felt by everyone - that pain is part of the human condition and that alone makes you a legion. We hungry underdogs, we risers with dawn, we dissmisser’s of odds, we blesser’s of on –we will station ourselves to the calm." - Shane Koyczan

Listen to the full quote here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rPU3t-x3Vz4
(Seriously, listen! I promise you won't regret it).

For my favourite city park - now submerged under water - a place that has always inspired and motivated me to strive for success in all my endeavors. You will never be quite the same. That's okay. Neither will we. Trust that we will rebuild you – so you can inspire our next generations to go fearlessly in search of new and unlimited success.

We are Alberta strong - we will carry on together.

Prince's Island Park - 03.2013

With faith, admiration & appreciation.

J.

Lessons & Contentment

I've learned two very valuable life lessons this past week. The first was this: the best thing you can do when it's raining... is to let it rain. Some things I simply cannot control. Although it seems like a rather obvious concept.. it still admittedly took me ~25 years to fully grasp. Oh well.

It rained nonstop for 7 days in Northern Alberta this past week. I realized I could never live anywhere that gets that much rain. Arriving back home yesterday after a very long work week, and an equally long commute back to Calgary that involved a helicopter ride, and a prop plane ride through a Tornado in Edmonton, I was beyond thrilled to plant my feet on YYC soil. I got lost in the sunshine I'd been craving all week.

The second lesson I learned this week- one that I'm ever digesting- is to be content with what I have. In moments that I realize there's nothing essential lacking in my life I am overwhelmed with gratitude and contentment. Health, family, food, water, love (the pisces in me wants to list music). Five (six) check marks.

There's nothing quite like the feeling of going to bed utterly exhausted, knowing you've done good work, and waking up the next morning feeling like you're still dreaming- completely content.

Happy ordinary Thursday. 

As always, with love.

J.

Size 8 Font Love

Earlier this evening, over a ridiculously large piece of cheesecake and a few similar sized lattes, one of my best friends shook my world to the ground with a nonchalant comment she made about love...

"I have this very quiet, very patient, size 8 font love for him."

she whispered through her fantastically contagious smile. It was a smile so uncontrollably addicting-- the type of addiction that can only be understood when described in reference to new love-- that I myself couldn't help but smile.  I still can't seem to keep that all too familar goofy smile from taking up residence on my face.

With one descriptive sentence she rekindled my love of love (and love of language) and lit a small, very warm fire in my heart. Perhaps it was a combination of her brilliant wording and that smile that got to me... But of all of our human qualities, to be graceful in love is absolutely the most underrated! I am continuously mesmerized and inspired by all shapes, sizes, and fonts of love. 

For BM.

I love the way you love. 

J.