A Perfectly Lovely October Afternoon

What better way to spend a cool Thursday afternoon than apple picking and baking pies and cinnamon buns in my favourite sweatpants with my Ma - who lives in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the beautiful Saskatchewan prairies. 

Mama's backyard 

Apple picking with Mama Jo 

 

Like mother like daughter :)

Just a few apples..

Sugar, spice and all that's nice. Yum.

Cinnas!

Oh ya.. We made an apple crisp too..

Lately I very much adore and seem to cling to the raw and real moments in my life - moments that don't need to be romanticized to be considered grand. This post is dedicated to those such moments...And to my beautiful Mom who I've been missing like crazy. It had been far too long.

With love, cinnamon & a ton of sugar ;) 
Happy ordinary Thursday!

J.

Ramblings from Gate B20

Flashback. Tuesday morning. 5:45 AM. Halifax airport terminal. Gate B20. Mixture of dead tired, alive and blissfully content. Clenching a tea in my hand. Worshipping its ability to smooth out my full body goosebumps from the chill caused by the early morning Eastern rain. 

Sitting at the terminal attempting to write. The rhetoric I require to share my learnings and explorations of my trip to the East coast this past week seems to be sitting stagnant somewhere deep in my subconscious. Sad truth. I suspect the reasoning for such is that the highlights of my trip differ greatly from the events I'd expected to stand out. More than the Atlantic Ocean, the beautifully aged and colored homes and buildings, beyond the incredible food, perfect weather and never ending open roads - it was the people I was surrounded with that moved me, taught me, and changed me (beyond what I expected to find in the back yard of my own country anyway). Much much more to share when life allows. Boarding.

With rushed love,

J.

Uncle.

I give. I am absolutely certain that I'm not the only person who thinks there are simply not enough hours in a day. I'm also certain that many of you reading this probably lead far busier lives than I could possibly even imagine. 

Being away from home for 2 weeks out of every month and attempting to balance a new career, two families, friends, a relationship, planning a wedding, and numerous life obligations has been an unbelievable challenge to say the least (how lucky am I to have so many blessings that require such balancing). Lately I've been relentlessly reminded how terrible I've been at balancing these blessings and obligations since starting my new job. With that said, I feel I owe many and most of you an apology. 

For all of the events and occasions I have missed the past 6 months-- the birthdays, BBQs, break-ups, coffee catch-ups, wine nights, movie dates, moving days, bike rides, milestone celebrations and more-- I am truly sorry if my absence has let you down. I am still learning to balance. 

Life- and consequently my schedule- will continue to change, as it seems to do for all of us. My balancing skills are under constant construction and development and I hope they will improve as life continues to inevitably challenge my strengths and weaknesses. I guarantee I will drop the ball...probably more than once and maybe even more than one at a time. Such is life. Expect more apologies. I will graciously hope for your continued understanding and forgiveness. 

Considering my travel and work schedule the next month, unfortunately my absentees will get far worse before they get better. I boarded my flight this morning with a heavy heart, counting the number of friends and family I didn't get a chance to see this past week. I'll be back in Calgary for a week mid September and hope to make it up to those of you who I must unfortunately continue to miss. 

Without all of you, I am not me. Many thank you's (in advance) for your support, forgiveness and understanding. 

These thoughts and my words are dedicated to you busy folks who seem to flawlessly juggle life and all it entails. Please teach me. 

To one of the best friends I have ever had. Happy birthday Jord. You've had my back without fail - thank you, especially for the times I had no one else. I love you. I wish I could celebrate with you today.  

And to my mother. A master juggler, who raised four, wild, very active children and lives to tell the stories- it is you who I owe the biggest apology. 

With a heavy but love filled heart, 

J.

5 Years - 4 Legs and a Tail

Who would have thought that a four legged, wet nosed, tail wagging, hairy little blonde friend could teach a person so much about life. Today the little fur ball that I refer to as "Goodie Four Paws" turns FIVE (thirty-five)! It's truly unbelievable how quickly 5 years of life comes and goes...

  

For some odd reason I've always related the number 5 to progression and the passing of time. Strange and random I know. Growing up I thought...yup...by 25 I'll have this whole "life" thing completely figured out. Pretty sure I made my first 5 year plan at the age of 5. Perhaps I'm on the right track but it's funny how time and age changes a persons perspective.

 

This adorable not-so-little creature has been a constant source of joy in my life the past 5 years. Here's to you Bud--  you've taught me more about friendship than some who stand upright and only on 2 legs. Your unwavering loyalty and unending selflessness inspires and amazes me.
 

With love and unlimited milk bones,

J.  

  

Wonderings and Certainties.

I'm often filled with infinite wonderings about life around me-- if this life is a question mark, he is a bold period to the toughest of questions. 

With certainty,

J.

My Moral Compass & Bridal Party

It is the lessons of change that have disciplined and tempered me beyond the narrow scope through which I used to view my life. There are four incredible women who have seen me through these various life changes and have stuck by my side without fail...

***

Without the four of you, the love story that is my life would not exist. More often than sometimes I wish I had a mountaintop to yell "thank you" from. Thank you for being my handle during the times I needed to get a grip. You are all so uniquely different. Together you are my North, South, East and West-- the moral compass to my inner indecisiveness that at times is as wide and wavering as the ocean. I love you all and I am truly blessed that you have agreed to stand beside me and support me in the biggest decision of my life. My compass has and always will point directly to R. 

Mandy: 

No one knows me like you do. You are my sweet SOUTH.
Thank you for not only loving the side of me that often gets lost in the clouds
but for always joining me there. Grab a little sky ;)

Brit M: 

You've kept me focused and grounded for the past 7 years. 

 You are my voice of reason, my anchor, my due NORTH. 

No amount of distance could or will ever break us.

I love you always. 

My dearest sister:

Watching you learn and grow the past 22 years has been one of

the greatest joys of my life. You are my EAST. Your development continually

teaches and inspires me. You are the definition of true, raw, unfiltered beauty -

you grow more beautiful each day. I love growing with you.

Autumn: 

You are my wild wild WEST...

Young and free and always reminding me not to take life too seriously.

You've taught me more in the past 3 years than you'll ever know. 

If you're a bird, I'm a bird <3.

For my bridal party & moral compass, with love,

J. 

Lean into it.

This morning I stumbled across a quote that not only woke me from my usual Saturday morning cozy little fog but awoke a stubborn little corner of my being that's been reluctant to wake, move or flourish for the past few weeks. This is the corner of me that deals with the joys of family...tilts- as Ryan calls them - times when the ground seems to shift and relationships experience a sort of tilting, tipping, or upside down "joy ride" if you will.

In reading this blurb (below), and in conjunction with a conversation I had with my amazingly wise little sister yesterday afternoon, certain corners of me are newly awake and I'm consciously choosing to lean into a few of lifes little tilts.

"In life, we think that the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem. The real truth is that things don't really get solved. They come together for a time, then they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It's just like that.

Personal discovery and growth come from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.

Suffering comes from wishing things were different. Misery is self inflicted, when we are expecting the "ideal" to overcome the "actual", or needing things (or people, or places) to be different for us so we can then be happy.

Let the hard things in life break you. Let them effect you. Let them change you. Let these hard moments inform you. Let this pain be your teacher. The experiences of your life are trying to tell you something about yourself. Don't cop out on that. Don't run away and hide under your covers. Lean into it.

What is the lesson in this wind? What is this storm trying to tell you? What will you learn if you face it with courage? With full honesty and - lean into it?"

- Pema Chodron

This morning I am thankful for my family, for those who provoke me, despite what their intentions may be. I am finding value in the winds that you send in my direction, learning about my weaknesses and leaning into them in hopes of strengthening myself.

Happy truth filled Saturday friends - from Canada all the way to Russia, Germany, the UK, Australia, Poland, South Korea, the Netherlands, Philippines, and more. I'm truly amazed that this blog and my words have somehow spanned over 15 countries this past year. I'm entirely humbled by your visits - however brief they may be. This morning my hope for you all is that you find the courage to lean into the winds that you are faced with -whether they come from the North, South, East, or West.

Leaning, with love,

J.

P.S. I love you bear. This one's for you. 
I miss you always.
7 weeks!

xo.