Wonderings and Certainties.

I'm often filled with infinite wonderings about life around me-- if this life is a question mark, he is a bold period to the toughest of questions. 

With certainty,

J.

My Moral Compass & Bridal Party

It is the lessons of change that have disciplined and tempered me beyond the narrow scope through which I used to view my life. There are four incredible women who have seen me through these various life changes and have stuck by my side without fail...

***

Without the four of you, the love story that is my life would not exist. More often than sometimes I wish I had a mountaintop to yell "thank you" from. Thank you for being my handle during the times I needed to get a grip. You are all so uniquely different. Together you are my North, South, East and West-- the moral compass to my inner indecisiveness that at times is as wide and wavering as the ocean. I love you all and I am truly blessed that you have agreed to stand beside me and support me in the biggest decision of my life. My compass has and always will point directly to R. 

Mandy: 

No one knows me like you do. You are my sweet SOUTH.
Thank you for not only loving the side of me that often gets lost in the clouds
but for always joining me there. Grab a little sky ;)

Brit M: 

You've kept me focused and grounded for the past 7 years. 

 You are my voice of reason, my anchor, my due NORTH. 

No amount of distance could or will ever break us.

I love you always. 

My dearest sister:

Watching you learn and grow the past 22 years has been one of

the greatest joys of my life. You are my EAST. Your development continually

teaches and inspires me. You are the definition of true, raw, unfiltered beauty -

you grow more beautiful each day. I love growing with you.

Autumn: 

You are my wild wild WEST...

Young and free and always reminding me not to take life too seriously.

You've taught me more in the past 3 years than you'll ever know. 

If you're a bird, I'm a bird <3.

For my bridal party & moral compass, with love,

J. 

Lean into it.

This morning I stumbled across a quote that not only woke me from my usual Saturday morning cozy little fog but awoke a stubborn little corner of my being that's been reluctant to wake, move or flourish for the past few weeks. This is the corner of me that deals with the joys of family...tilts- as Ryan calls them - times when the ground seems to shift and relationships experience a sort of tilting, tipping, or upside down "joy ride" if you will.

In reading this blurb (below), and in conjunction with a conversation I had with my amazingly wise little sister yesterday afternoon, certain corners of me are newly awake and I'm consciously choosing to lean into a few of lifes little tilts.

"In life, we think that the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem. The real truth is that things don't really get solved. They come together for a time, then they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It's just like that.

Personal discovery and growth come from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.

Suffering comes from wishing things were different. Misery is self inflicted, when we are expecting the "ideal" to overcome the "actual", or needing things (or people, or places) to be different for us so we can then be happy.

Let the hard things in life break you. Let them effect you. Let them change you. Let these hard moments inform you. Let this pain be your teacher. The experiences of your life are trying to tell you something about yourself. Don't cop out on that. Don't run away and hide under your covers. Lean into it.

What is the lesson in this wind? What is this storm trying to tell you? What will you learn if you face it with courage? With full honesty and - lean into it?"

- Pema Chodron

This morning I am thankful for my family, for those who provoke me, despite what their intentions may be. I am finding value in the winds that you send in my direction, learning about my weaknesses and leaning into them in hopes of strengthening myself.

Happy truth filled Saturday friends - from Canada all the way to Russia, Germany, the UK, Australia, Poland, South Korea, the Netherlands, Philippines, and more. I'm truly amazed that this blog and my words have somehow spanned over 15 countries this past year. I'm entirely humbled by your visits - however brief they may be. This morning my hope for you all is that you find the courage to lean into the winds that you are faced with -whether they come from the North, South, East, or West.

Leaning, with love,

J.

P.S. I love you bear. This one's for you. 
I miss you always.
7 weeks!

xo.